yobech505

Birthdays

Made up word for the day:  thamding: adj. adv. Noun:  tham’ dingh.  Means nothing.  Irrelevant.  Not part of anything important

A dilemma that likes to pull itself up a chair right in front of us is the birthday thing.  The “oh crap, we’re not together anymore but what do I do about the birthday” situation. Not as difficult if you have yet to buy a gift but still, it begs for some kind of a reply.

A lot of it has to do with the way the relationship ended.  You might treat an ex wife or the mother of your children differently than you would a short term lover.  It might also be directly in synch with the intensity of the relationship and how you squished the connection.

Nasty?  You’re not getting a thamding.  No call, no card, no nothing.  If the memory could be erased from the mind, it would be.  The date on the calendar, written down in ink, is now a big blob of  even darker ink, probably permanent marker. Unfortunate that it has to stay until you can tear that page off.  It makes a rather ugly reminder, especially if the calendar is usually orderly and neat.

Amicable.  What is amicable anyway?  What do you like about them?  They’re gone.  You broke up.  Just because you don’t sob like a screen roof in the rain when your paths cross doesn’t mean it’s been great.  Do you talk on the phone because you both work for the same company or one of you is a vendor?  This one is easy.  When you do talk, just say, “Oh, by the way, happy birthday.”  The response will be as simple as “Thank you”, or “You remembered”.  Then it’s over.  You’re done.

If it was a sad (read; one sided) severing, you may feel you need to do something special.  You want to kick up an impression that will do one of two things; bring out a good memory or instill a feeling of regret on their part for letting the best thing that ever happened to them go.  This is called the revenge birthday and can be very expensive.  You end up buying the gift that is a constant reminder of you and is something they really want.  It is also a complete waste of money and time as it will not change what is.

A lot of this, as well, depends on how close to the birthday the break up was.  Six months is good because you can pretty much let everything go.  A month or two can be a little bit of a concern.  The bad one is the birthday that falls within a month of the end of your relationship’s demise.  What do you do?

Flowers are out!    Here, the guilt gift in good.  “I bought this for you back three months ago and figured what the hell, I might as well give it to you.”  This can be very satisfying because it makes you believe that you’re getting the upper hand on this, you’re in control.   Naw.  You’re just considered a dumb ass for not taking it back to the store and they’re going to enjoy whatever it is with their next partner.

Why go through all of this?    I have a better idea

Write something nice, heartfelt, from inside.  Keep it simple and uncomplicated, and perhaps to the point.  Make it up beat, a happy note that would say, “Hey, I’m doing okay. I hope you are as well.”  Nothing fancy.

But definitely sincere.  If you really feel it, good, if not, you have to sound like you mean it.  But be careful.  Some people can read between the lines.

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